K___ cut me off. It looks like it, looked like it. After so many un-answered phone calls, emails and my certain to be fruitless attempts at connection, K___ emailed me one last note explaining her wish not to be beholden to me not only as a friend but as a person. She felt, it seemed, not exactly threatened but inhibited by the expectations and obligations that friendship entails. Morse so, presumably, she surely sensed that these social obligations would supersede, if they hadn’t already, her come-what-may attitude and the vicissitudes of circumstance that affected her personality and persona. Once overcome by social a-priori expectations, K___’s social interactions would function through the filter of social obligation and such a constricting way of starting, stopping and merely having a social relationship seemed (surely) far too constrictive and un-relenting.
But these musings are the backdrop to the inevitable electron change, the great switch up we knew would come. Over coffee and a half lunch one spring noon K___ and I (during our period of friendship) agreed, as if in a tacit and resigned agreement, to a theory of friendship predicated on chance and moreover which is structured much electron shells. Like electrons, our friends floated on co-centric rings. The rings signaled levels of personal intimacy and friendship, as opposed to electricity and energy. In the outer rings floated many electron – friends, an abundance of meaningless electrons. Conversely, the inner rings admitted only a few electron-friends and they were, accordingly, of heightened importance.
The issue is placement. One does not remain in the inner electron shell. One does not intrinsically have social value or significance. Rather, one’s meaning correlates with the arbitrary environments in which we swim haphazardly, randomly and sometimes amazingly fluidly in and out of. The context of the electron shells being formed by a haphazard situation, the substance and structure of those shells and correspondingly of the placement of those electron-friends too must correlate with circumstance and a circumstantial present.
At one point K___ resided on my inner ring and I on hers. But a change in environment disrupts an electron and shifts it to a, usually, more distant ring. Inevitable and by necessity electrons shift and are re-arranged. An inner electron slowly shifts and moves outward. It assumes a spot next to a now relatively innocuous but perhaps once significant electron.
So it goes.
If K___ hadn’t I would have.
K___ knew I would.
But K___ did it first, didn’t she?